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ETBR Road Trip: A Perfect Mark
Inning One: First Things First It would probably be indecent of me not to begin this dispatch by mentioning that Chicago starter Mark Buehrle, whose name is only partly spelled how it sounds, pitched the 18th perfect game in major league history this afternoon. It was the first perfect game, period, since Randy Johnson (then of the D-backs) threw one
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ETBR Road Trip: Michigander, Michigoose
The following game happened Saturday, July 18th. The outcome is very secret. Inning One: People, Places, Things Traverse City — for the one or two Less Worldly Readers — is a small city in Northern Michigan.
ETBR Road Trip: San Francisco Frigging Treat
Inning One: Opening Statement Holy Frig Holy Frig Holy Frig Holy Frig Holy Frig Holy Frig Holy Frig Holy Frig Holy Frig Holy Frig Holy Frig Holy Frig Holy Frig Holy Frig Holy Frig Holy Frig Holy Frig Holy Frig Holy Frig Holy Frig Holy Frig Holy Frig Holy Frig Holy Frig Holy Frig Holy Frig Holy Frig Holy
ETBR Road Trip: California Doubleheader
The following games took place on July 8th. As usual, the author harbors no regrets about his tardiness. As for other things — he harbors tons of regrets about other things. Game One: Inland Empire (A) 3, Lake Elsinore (H) 0 Inning One: To Clarify Before I start, I’d like first to make clear
Reno 8, Your Portland Beavers 6
Inning One: Goodbye Really Isn’t Forever Because, like the Terminator and the Tin Man before him, I, too, possess nothing resembling a human emotional life, it is with a normally weighted heart that I inform the Reader that the present incarnation of the Report will be my last for a little bit.
Your Portland Beavers 5, Tacoma 3
Pretend that what follows was written, and that you are reading it on, the night of June 17th — a.k.a. the night on which this game actually occurred. It’ll be better for everyone that way. Inning One: Hooked on a Feeling, Vol I Earlier today, I attempted — less in my role as Official
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Tacoma 11, Your Portland Beavers 2
Inning One: Ars Fanatica The Astute Reader might remember how, in a recent iteration of the Report, yours truly went head over you-know-whats for Gregory F. Augustine Pierce’s new-ish book How Bill James Changed Our View of Baseball. Pierce, president and co-publisher of ACTA Publishing and ACTA
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Your Portland Beavers 5, Reno 1
Inning One: When It Rains, It Cistullis We’ve got a saying where I come from. It goes: “Once a Cistulli, always a Cistulli.” We’ve got a couple other sayings, too, like: “You can tell a Cistulli, but you can’t tell him much.” And also: “One if by land, two if by Cistulli.” I’m
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Your Portland Beavers 6, Reno 4
Inning One: Socrates Johnson Greek philosopher Socrates – aka Father of the Western Intellectual Tradition – is famous for many reasons, such as appearing in a number of Plato’s Dialogues, his more-than-neighborly interest in Greek youth, and also for his prominent role in 1989’s genre-smashing
Memphis 8, Your Portland Beavers 7
Inning One: Meditations on a Homestand I hope I’m not speaking out of turn when I say that, to the lay fan, the concept of the homestand is not an entirely important one. Lay fans — of which I have always been one, up until my recent stint as Official Baseballing Journalist — will typically
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